Everything I Do Is Wrong

Have you ever thought that every move you take, every choice you make, every action you do, is just...wrong? Even when the time you do it, when you do it, seems perfectly right, perfectly normal, perfectly a good choice.

I, myself, hate that feeling. One of the biggest reasons being the very fact that I hate being known as doing something wrong. I don't like it when people correct me even when I KNOW that I'm wrong.

My friends end up looking at me as if I did something fatal (as I'm known to be doing everything right, the perfect daughter, the perfect student, the perfect friend). But all I ever did was make a mistake. I'm human. Just because I do well at school, seemingly do well with my family and earn the trust of my friends, it does not necessarily mean that I do not make mistakes.

Humans are all about mistakes. It is how we grow, how we learn, how we become who we are as an adult. I don't want to be someone that makes no mistakes. Because then how do I learn? How do I mature? How do I change my way of thinking? How do I become who I will be when I grow up?


***

To the people who think that every step I make is wrong, every judgement I make is wrong, this is what I have to say to you, and to you only: I am who I am. Accept me or ignore me.

I don't want a friend who only cares about the good part of me. I don't want a friend that doesn't accept who I really am and expects me to become someone that will only be who they want to be.
I don't want a family member that is always saying my faults and ignoring my good deeds. I don't want a family member that is ignorant of my success.

To the people who put me down and smirk behind my back, thinking that I can't do anything, this is my message to you, and to you only: The two words and three phrases, "I know", "I can", "I will" are in the top of my dictionary. Nothing you can ever say, ever do, can make me change that. Once again, I am only human and every human, including you makes mistakes.

Stupid Stress

I'm so sick of being stressed.

When I was in Australia, I was never stressed! I mean, yeah, sure, I guess when I was taking my half yearly and yearly exams I was stressed but that never lasted for more than an hour! The stress I'm feeling now is...ridiculous.

All my friends are at school, having fun, enjoying being a teenager but I'm stuck with making good grades, doing extra curricular activities, service learning hours and studying for the SAT's.

I'm no superwoman.

I need my time of rest, my time to do whatever I want.

My parents say that they understand me and what I want but all they care about is that I get into a good college. Sure, a good college will be a lifetime of benefits for me and I agree that I should be studying for the SAT's.

But have they ever stopped to consider that maybe, just maybe, I'm old enough to make my own decisions?! I know when I have to study, what I have to study for.

So if they just SHUT THE HELL up for one BRIEF SECOND than maybe, just maybe, they'll see the side of me actually studying.

No one studies willingly after their parents have non-stop talked to them about them being worried, making them studying, giving them a huge stack of SAT prep books and then confiscate their laptop and phone.

Facebook...or should I say, my laptop is the only thing that keeps me sane every single day I return home after school. It's my life line. And now they're taking it away from me?

Sorry, unless you want me to perish, NOT A GOOD IDEA.

Half an hour of lunch isn't enough for me every day Mum, Dad.

LEARN TO SEE MY POINT OF VIEW PLEASE.

I'm sick of being stressed. And do you know what the most stupid thing about today is? I want to CRY. I WANT TO FU*KING CRY. But nothing.

Not one drop.

Probably because I had cried so much this weekend that I have no more tears left. But for once, I wish I could cry. Because when the tears come out, it makes my life suddenly a whole lot easier and brighter.

I'm so tired...everyday of every second and there will never be anyone that will tell me that their there for me and will watch out for me when I fall down, asleep.

Why isn't there a person like that...?

I'm straying off topic.

I hate stress.

It's the worst thing in the world.

Who agrees with me?

My Friend is Cooool ~

Today was ridiculously fun (and hence, I am ridiculously tired!).

I got to say, it's never happened before: me stayed past 9 out with a dude I've only met for what? 2 weeks? Weird, I know.

But (s)he's hecka cool ! (Don't get egoistic Katherine!)

I'm pretty sure if I said I "love" him so much people would get the wrong idea... DO NOT GET THE WRONG IDEA! It's just been a long time since I've found a friend like him that's so...different? I don't quite know if that is the word to use to describe him.

He's just different.

I feel comfortable around.

A bit TOO comfortable for me if I have a say. But still, it's a good thing I guess.

I'm just really, really worried that I would go and say something stupid to ruin everything...I'M PRAYING ! Fingers crossed =p

But anyways, he's a cool dude. I can actually talk to him about stuff and he doesn't judge or say anything stupid or hurtful. Although I've got to say, I think he's holding back something.

He keeps on saying he trusts me...hmm...I should look into that! Still, he's a good kid.

I like him. Hahaha ~ And hopefully, unlike other friendships, I won't go saying something or do something stupid that will ruin it.

I'm praying ~!

Dear Friend . . .

Dear Friend,

I have some words to say to you. Don't feel nervous; don't feel awkward; don't feel scared- their all good words.

______________________________________________________________

Thank you.

Thank you for everything you've done for me.

Thank you for every time I've bothered you and you still smile at me.

Thank you for trying to make me smile when I'm mad, pissed off, sad, crying.

Thank you for always helping me with my homework.

Thank you for always being here/there for me when I need you most.

Thank you for giving me enough privacy to not make me feel constricted.

Thank you for always lending me a hand when I fall down and can't get up.

Thank you for always telling me the truth and your opinions.

Thank you for always smiling at me and making me feel loved.

Thank you for acting like my sister, my brother.

***

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for every time I've ignored you.

I'm sorry for every time I pretended that I didn't know you.

I'm sorry for being mean when I'm angry, sad, pissed off, stressed.

I'm sorry for not always being there for you when you are always there for me.

I'm sorry for not being trustworthy in your eyes.

I'm sorry for not always telling you the truth.

I'm sorry for every lie I've told to you.

I'm sorry for always bothering you when I know you have your own problems to deal with.

I'm sorry for always being a bitch when I shouldn't be.

I'm sorry for everything.

***

I love you.

I love you for everything you've done for me.

I love you for everything you've done for this friendship, to help it flourish and maintain it.

I love you for being yourself and not changing.

I love you for being normal and not a bitch.

I love you for not backstabbing behind my back.

I love you for all the smiles that you've given to me.

I love you for all the things you've sacrificed for me.

I love you for every present you've given to me, material or not.

I love you for always being by my side.

I love you, more than myself.

***

I thank you. I apologize to you. I love you.

_____________________________________________________________

These are my words to you.

I hope you'll always be my friend no matter how much I change, how much I push you away and how much I bother youu <3

:)

Your friend always ~

The Fun of Sleeping @ A Friend's House

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only teenager that's ever slept over a friend's house. But I might be one of those few teenagers that don't sleep over at a friend's house often enough because I'm so Asian and my parents are strict.

Still, I finally experienced a normal teenage thing last Friday and honestly, one of the best memories of my life probably.

It's been filed under "Most Wonderful Memory".

I did so many things that Friday night that honestly, makes the whole experience so much better.

I got to my friend's house at about 4 after a shower. I totally forgot to bring my hair straightener (which makes my hair look horrendous), my tooth brush and some other things I forgot. Got to say, not the best start to the fun.

And then I tried to study.

Remind me next time that studying while at a friend's house is NOT a good thing WHAT SO EVER! You've been warned!

I was supposed to write a rough draft of an essay for English class. I only managed the Introduction. AND I had it all written on a shape-up sheet but it didn't work out. So there goes the first hour of the word "fun".

2nd hour was wasted on Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. Not that it isn't a good movie or anything! Just that since my friend and I was SO tired that we couldn't even get past a fifth of the film without trying to stay awake. We were THAT tired the previous night that we couldn't stand watching something we watched over and over again as a child. So we just skipped.

We were originally supposed to watch Water for Elephants and Friends with Benefits.

Didn't work out.

Friends with Benefits weren't out on DVD yet so my friend's father had to rent something different. Sadly, when my friend gave their dad the list of movies to rent, my friend's sister said it was a movie with 'sex'. When my friend told me at school I just burst out laughing like crazy!

So then my friend's father borrowed another movie: Crazy, Stupid Love. Omgosh though, when my friend's father gave me the DVD and was explaining it, he said it was a "no sex movie"! I literally had to hold back my laughter so bad! Funniest thing EVER!

So we watched Water For Elephants first but not before dinner and playing some games...? Some reason, I just cannot remember what we did between W 4 E and Dinner. We definitely played a game of some sort...BUT! I remember making popcorn.

So my parents bought a jug of popcorn and I took some to my friends house. I knew how my Uncle cooked it (or thought I knew) so I told my friend to cook it the same way. BIG MISTAKE! It had disaster written all over it but I didn't even realise before it was too late! IT ALL GOT BURNT! And now I still feel the massive guilt for ruining the popcorn and making a fool of myself in front of my friend's parents. SHOCK HORROR!

But when we were done, we had so much food! Because, in the middle, we somehow managed to make a Nutella sandwich which we completely forgot about until the popcorn was done. It was like a whole meal in front of us after we were done with the food making!

After, we started Water for Elephants.

GREAT MOVIE! Reese Witherspoon and Robert Pattison are good actors/actresses! Although I got to say, since I know that Reese is like 30 and has kids and Robert is only what? 21+ or something? It was awkward when I was watching the kiss scene! So yeah.

And! Get this! My friend let me paint their nails! THE BIGGEST HIGHLIGHT OF EVERYTHING! It was the BEST! I finally realised how FUN it was to paint someone else's nails! I should've left it on my friend's nails ><

I am SO doing it again!

[Gotta go buy more nail polish colours!]

And after we started Crazy, Stupid Love but omgosh, it was unbearable! So we decided to just watch Harry Potter 7 PT. 2.

It was so funny because both of us kept on nodding off to sleep and we had to wake each other up...or I guess I woke my friend up more than the other way around! They kept on trying to wake themselves up by sitting up...didn't work!

So when the scene got up to Draco's mum checking if Harry is alive or not, I just told my friend to close the DVD player and go to sleep. IT WAS 4 IN THE MORNING! And honestly, we even left the lights on because we were THAT tired!

I think I woke up at like 6 later because my friend's father was getting up to work and after that, between 9.15 I woke up periodically.

Did I forget to mention how we took photos and played jenga before Harry Potter? Woops! Well, we took hella photos! And Jenga's always fun <3

So, first sleepover ever as a teen and I am SO doing it again!

My friend are I are weird!

I've only know him (yeah, it's a dude ;p) for 2 weeks but we're just that close that I can go stay at his house without being embarassed nor awkward. Hmm...interesting ~

And the photo's we took was so funny. Because right after they were posted, people started assuming that we were dating. Talk about response!

Now, we made a bet. But shhhh...it's a secret~

<3